My surgery this week and I'm getting nervous about it. Don't get me wrong, I'm SO EXCITED about it, and about getting the chance to essentially start my life over again. I'm getting more and more nervous about it because people are asking me about it!

The past two nights I've had dreams about the surgery, haha. The first one, I woke up right as the doctor was pushing open the doors getting ready to tell my parents something. That freaked me out a little bit. Then, last night's was me waking up from the anesthesia as they were cutting into my stomach. BAH! A tad freaky if you ask me.

The more I think about it, the more paranoid I get, and then that stresses me out, which causes me to literally keep NOTHING down. And then thinking about the 5.9 trillion things I need to get done this week stresses me out, as well.

BAH this is me freaking out.

Okay, I'm calm!

A lot of people have asked me about visiting and my address and stuff...GUYS. I'll be there like, one night, haha. Really don't know, though. I'll be at home for most of the time, so feel free to shoot me or my parents a text to see if I'm up and stop on by! I'm sure I'll love having visitors :)

My mom said she'd update my blog this weekend for me, and said that if anyone wanted to be texted updates, she could do that, as well. Haha, oh Michelle. Love you.

I'll be writing probably everyday this week...be on the lookout! Thank you ALL :)

Thanksgiving :)

I hope everyone had a wonderful Thanksgiving with their family! It's great to be home, that's for sure! My break so far as consisted of me being SO lazy! And I'm loving every minute of it :) It's definitely a MUCH needed break!

Thanksgiving was hard for me. I sat with a scoop of mashed potatoes on my plate picking at them while listening to everyone else chewing and going "Mmm, this is SO GOOD." I got fed up, cleared my plate, went upstairs, threw myself a pity party and cried for a minute, and then took a nap. I'm such a party pooper. But I felt it was pointless for me to sit there and listen to that. I enjoyed being around my family and talking to them, but with all the food on the table, it was rough. Blah. Oh well.

I went to the doctor on Wednesday morning because I have a rash on my chest, stomach, and arms, and my mom is paranoid about me being healthy before my surgery. She has every right, I guess, but it's kind of funny now. Anyways, just on Claritin to clear the rash up, and the doctor said that it won't conflict with the surgery.

I went shopping pretty much all day yesterday, and asked to go back out, and my mom was all, "You need to stay close to home. I don't want something to happen to you before Friday." Okay, okay, I get it. So, my apologies now to all of my friends who want me to be a rebel and do fun things this week. After thinking about it, I don't want to risk ANYTHING.

The countdown is officially LESS THAN ONE WEEK!! Ahhh, this time next week I'll be passed out laying in my bed...but I'm ok with it! Haha. I am so ECSTATIC that this is finally happening! I'm also really stressed out. I come back home next Thursday, December 3 after my night class and won't be returning to BSU except to take my finals; even then, it's going to be my mom or dad driving me up there, waiting until I'm done taking the test, and then driving right back home. That's the second week of my bedrest, so really, I shouldn't even be going anyways, but it has to happen. I have so much to do this week! Ah! It's a crazy week, that's for sure: getting everything done before finals, Phi Mu's initiation week, slating for Phi Mu, etc. I'm also missing formal the weekend of my surgery...I'm so bummed! I had my dress picked out and everything :( Oh well. Surgery is WAY worth missing it, and there will definitely be more to come.

6 DAYS
6 DAYS!
6 DAYS!!
6 DAYS!!!

Ah, SO EXCITED! Thanks to everyone who's still been there for me, and especially my best friend Kelly for sending me a package with seasons from my favorite show, Desperate Housewives, and some other movies for me to watch these next couple of weeks :) I really appreciate it!!

Thank you all so much!

"I can do all things through Christ, who strengthens me." - Philippians 4:13

GOOD NEWS!

Hey everyone!

I finally found out my surgery date! It will be December 4 at (I'm pretty sure) St. Vincent's in Indianapolis. I AM SO EXCITED! I cried when I found out, haha. I'm very very excited to be able to have my life back again! I've had so much support throughout this whole ordeal and I really appreciate everyone's love and compassion towards me. You have absolutely no idea how much it means to me.

One of my friends Alison suggested I do this, so here it is:

A year ago, I was 70 pounds heavier. Before:



After:




This disease has its positive and negative aspects of it. Clearly, I was not healthy at all. I mean, I'm still not, but the before and after pictures just do it for me. I can't believe I was that bad. Achalasia came, really, at the perfect time for me. It's not necessarily a blessing, but I'm almost happy that this happened to me. It was God's way of telling me to get a lifestyle change, and think about what really matters. Drama, parties, etc. are things that I could honestly care less about. I'm more worried about my health in general, and because I've gotten so much help, I want to give back, and Dance Marathon is doing that for me.

I'm extremely happy this surgery is finally in the books. I'm so excited to get better!! :)

Keep reading :) Thank you all for everything!!

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He shall direct your paths." -Proverbs 3:5,6

This gets me through the weeks. It's so hard living with this. I don't mean to complain, but it's so annoying. I literally don't do anything with my friends anymore because I'm too embarrassed that I'll get sick. I went to Thai Smile in Muncie the other night with my roommate, and one of the first things she said to me was, "I don't know where the bathroom is." She makes sure to scope it out for me as soon as we get into a restaurant. Super nice, but, shouldn't be happening.

I'm really embarrassed and very self-conscious, and can't wait until my surgery. This will give me a brand new life, and I'm so excited for it.

Thanks for reading.

I HAVE GOOD NEWS!!

I have potential surgery dates that I will find out FOR SURE on Monday! It will either be December 4 or the 14. I am SO EXCITED!! Can't talk a lot for now, but thank you for all of your prayers and concerns. I'll finally be able to get better :)

Love you all :)

I realized after my best friend Kelly came into town and said something to me and after there was nasty stuff on my pillow case the other night that I've been throwing up in my sleep and not even realizing it. That concerns me, and I'm a tad nervous about all of that. I told one of my roommates about that and she's making me keep my door unlocked from now on, haha. Okay, it's not really a laughing matter, and it freaks me out a bit. It's scary to know that I don't realize I do that!

Everyday I lose more and more weight. I weighed myself this morning and I'm down 60 pounds from when this whole thing started. Somedays, when I think I actually am eating well, those are the days that are the worst. I can tell when food goes into my stomach because it rarely happens, so now when it DOES happen, my stomach gets really upset and I feel nauseous.

I talked to one of my professors yesterday about possibly getting surgery ASAP when my surgeon comes back. She's one of the profs that I thought wouldn't be a big fan of all of that, and would be a pain in the butt to try and work with, but she was actually very nice, and very helpful about the whole thing. Way to go, Kelli!

That's all for now. Thanks for reading :)

Halloween Weekend

I hope everyone had a fabulous weekend! In Muncie, it was full of crazy people in the craziest costumes (although the Oompa Loompa was LEGIT), too many alcoholic beverages, and too many cops. Oh well. It's Halloween in a college town...what do you expect?

I wish my doctor would get home from his vacation already...as I was talking to my dad on the phone today, I realized how pathetic my eating schedule is, haha. He named off a few things I could make for dinner and I replied like this to them: "Mac and cheese doesn't go down well" and "No pasta, because when it comes up, it's gross" and "Yeah, well water isn't even staying down, so no food here." Kind of sad.

I didn't go to a date party I was invited to last night because I didn't want to embarrass my date. I felt really bad, but I couldn't keep anything down yesterday, and I didn't want people talking to him saying, "Why does your date leave every 2 seconds?" after every drink I took. I really wanted to go, but I didn't want to upset my date, and I didn't want to embarrass myself.

It's things like these I take for granted now...I felt absolutely horrible, but was too embarrassed to go to a party because I couldn't drink. That's pretty bad. I hate feeling this way. It will be all over (hopefully) soon! :)

Hope everyone enjoys the rest of the weekend, and has a good start to the week. More to come...