I hate paying for food I don't eat, haha. I'm so broke from a few dollars here and there spent on things I take 2 or 3 bites of. So annoying.
This week has/will be the hardest of my year so far. It's also the week that my best friend is visiting me from Chicago. It's just really stressful, which isn't helping my situation out any. I really hate getting up in the middle of the Atrium or somewhere else on campus to run to the bathroom. I hate having to look to sit at the end of the table or a booth at a restaurant so I don't have to ask the person sitting next to me to get up when I have to. I hate when waiters ask me if my food tasted okay because it didn't look like anything was gone from it. Bahh. Okay, sorry, I told ya, just one of those days...
Tuesday, October 27, 2009
Saturday, October 24, 2009
Frustration
Last night and today were really frustrating days for me. Last night, I went to QDoba with 2 of my good friends and 1 girl who was a friend of my girlfriend's, someone I'd never met before. She obviously didn't know my history, so getting up and going to the bathroom about 4 times in front of her was really awkward. Everytime I came back and sat down she would look at me like I had bulimia, which is obviously not the case. I don't know...just one of those awkward times where it's stupid to explain to her what's going on because I don't know if I'll ever be hanging out with her again. One of those things.
I woke up (at home! Yay for Fall Break!) and was sick. Just the bad headache, weird stomach, achey sick feeling. I slept for most of the day, and couldn't keep anything down. My mom tried telling me to take Tylenol, but I knew that wouldn't stay down either. It's frustrating because I know medicine would help, but it doesn't stay down, and sometimes my parents don't understand that. They tell me to crush the pills up and put it in water or applesauce, but they don't get that the water or applesauce is the type of stuff that doesn't stay down. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's just hard explaining to them how I feel about this some of the time. My mom used to tell me to stop burping, before she knew what was going on, and it was something I couldn't help. If I'd tell her that, she'd just get mad and say something along the lines of how rude it is, and not to do it, etc. Oh well.
Sometimes it's hard for me to share how I actually feel. Like I've said before, some days are better than others, and people don't understand that. I don't expect them to, but it's just hard.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day, and I'll be able to eat a little bit. I'm looking forward to blogging again, and appreciate how many of you out there are keeping up-to-date with this...thank you!
I woke up (at home! Yay for Fall Break!) and was sick. Just the bad headache, weird stomach, achey sick feeling. I slept for most of the day, and couldn't keep anything down. My mom tried telling me to take Tylenol, but I knew that wouldn't stay down either. It's frustrating because I know medicine would help, but it doesn't stay down, and sometimes my parents don't understand that. They tell me to crush the pills up and put it in water or applesauce, but they don't get that the water or applesauce is the type of stuff that doesn't stay down. I don't know if that makes sense, but it's just hard explaining to them how I feel about this some of the time. My mom used to tell me to stop burping, before she knew what was going on, and it was something I couldn't help. If I'd tell her that, she'd just get mad and say something along the lines of how rude it is, and not to do it, etc. Oh well.
Sometimes it's hard for me to share how I actually feel. Like I've said before, some days are better than others, and people don't understand that. I don't expect them to, but it's just hard.
Hopefully, tomorrow will be a better day, and I'll be able to eat a little bit. I'm looking forward to blogging again, and appreciate how many of you out there are keeping up-to-date with this...thank you!
Thursday, October 22, 2009
Yesterday and This Morning
My mom wanted a second opinion on getting surgery, so this past Thursday, I went home for another endoscopy. The doctor took pictures of the inside of my stomach and esophagus (pretty gross) and confirmed that I needed the surgery. He prescribed me some medicine to hold me off until the surgery, and basically it allows me to eat a little bit. I'm supposed to take it a half hour before I eat meals, but he said it'd give me a headache and probably make me feel dizzy. I've been running everywhere this week so I hadn't had a chance to take it until last night, before heading to Puerta Vallarta's (best Mexican place in Funcie) for a girls dinner. I was definitely able to eat more, but he was right - my headache was KILLER last night, and I was definitely dizzy.
I didn't know if the headache was worth eating a little more...it probably was, but it wasn't last night. I know I should take the medicine, but I just feel horrible when I do. We'll figure something out.
One of the things I miss most is bread! I can't remember the last time I had a bagel, yummm! My roommate talks about grilled cheese all the time and my mouth waters, haha. Not really, but yeah. Bread seems to get "stuck" in my esophagus easier than anything else, and it's not worth all the trouble I'd have to go through to eat it, so I just try and avoid it. That means getting the naked burrito at QDoba, the Unwich at Jimmy John's, and never eating PB&J, the ultimate sandwich! Again, it's something I've learned to live with, so it's not a big deal anymore.
Fall Break starts for me tonight at 9:30 p.m. so tomorrow I will be sleeping in and then heading back to Carmel, YAY! Hopefully this weekend at home will be full of fun with my family.
More later! Thanks for reading :)
I didn't know if the headache was worth eating a little more...it probably was, but it wasn't last night. I know I should take the medicine, but I just feel horrible when I do. We'll figure something out.
One of the things I miss most is bread! I can't remember the last time I had a bagel, yummm! My roommate talks about grilled cheese all the time and my mouth waters, haha. Not really, but yeah. Bread seems to get "stuck" in my esophagus easier than anything else, and it's not worth all the trouble I'd have to go through to eat it, so I just try and avoid it. That means getting the naked burrito at QDoba, the Unwich at Jimmy John's, and never eating PB&J, the ultimate sandwich! Again, it's something I've learned to live with, so it's not a big deal anymore.
Fall Break starts for me tonight at 9:30 p.m. so tomorrow I will be sleeping in and then heading back to Carmel, YAY! Hopefully this weekend at home will be full of fun with my family.
More later! Thanks for reading :)
Tuesday, October 20, 2009
Welcome!
Hi everyone!
I should have started this blog a little over a year ago when I was sick everyday, and before I was diagnosed with achalasia. Achalasia means "failure to relax" and (according to www.mayoclinic.org) is a "relatively rare disorder of the esophagus (the passageway from the mouth to the stomach) that makes it difficult for food and liquid to pass into the stomach." Which is exactly what it is: difficult (to live with). What this means is that literally every time I take a couple of bites of food, I have to (excuse me) throw up. The food (and even drink - water is a pain some days!) gets backed up in my esophagus making it difficult for me to breathe, as well as it being relatively uncomfortable just being able to feel it sit there.
This all started about the beginning of October in 2008. After about a week of "eating" lunch and dinner, I realized I kept getting sick and was not able to keep my food down. I called home crying and my parents knew there clearly was a problem. I had an endoscopy done (they stuck a tube down my throat and ballooned it open so I would be able to start eating) and my doctor thought I had something called Schatzki's Ring, a narrowing of the esophagus that causes difficulty swallowing. That helped for a little but, but after a couple of weeks, I kept getting sick. I had another endoscopy done and after that one, the doctor came in and told my dad," I don't think she has Schatzki's Ring after all." He ordered a Barium Swallow test and that clearly defined my disease: achalasia. Achalasia can be fixed in 3 ways, the way that will work for me is surgery because I'm young and "healthy." Once my surgeon comes back from a vacation out of the country on November 9 (rough life) I'll be scheduling surgery and getting everything fixed! The surgery will be done laparoscopically and is a 2-4 day stay in the hospital, a 2-3 week recovery, and a 6 week liquid diet. Hopefully, by the start of the new semester, I'll be good as new!
This is a "day-in-the-life" sort of thing with me, a young adult living with achalasia. People take many things a day for granted: living in a house, being able to drive places, even walking. What people may not understand is that to me, people take eating for granted. That sounds silly and petty almost stupid, but there are sometimes I go without eating for a couple of days in a row just because I literally cannot eat anything, and it comes right back up. There are some days I cry because I'm hungry. There are also some days that I can eat a little bit of food; it just depends...some days are better than others.
This is not in any way, shape, or form a pity party for me. I've been living with this for a little over a year now and it's sad but I'm used to it at this point. Some days are harder than others, and at this point, I'm embarrassed to go out to eat because I have to get up frequently in the middle of the meal. It shouldn't be something to be embarrassed about, but it bothers me, so I try not to eat out often.
All of my family and friends have been very supportive of me living with this. My good friends understand why I have to get up every few minutes or so, and understand when I come back with my eyes red, or little dots around my face. I don't tell everyone I have it, but people know I'm being different. I've lost 51 pounds from this disease, and it honestly couldn't have come at a better time. I was very unhealthy, and losing all of this weight hasn't been done in a very healthy matter, but it's happened regardless, and it's something I can't help.
I'll be updating this frequently, just telling a little bit of this and that about living with the disease. It's hard, it's frustrating, and it's something that is now a part of me. I hope this makes people more aware of what achalasia is, and helps people to understand why I do what I do.
Thanks, and happy reading :)
I should have started this blog a little over a year ago when I was sick everyday, and before I was diagnosed with achalasia. Achalasia means "failure to relax" and (according to www.mayoclinic.org) is a "relatively rare disorder of the esophagus (the passageway from the mouth to the stomach) that makes it difficult for food and liquid to pass into the stomach." Which is exactly what it is: difficult (to live with). What this means is that literally every time I take a couple of bites of food, I have to (excuse me) throw up. The food (and even drink - water is a pain some days!) gets backed up in my esophagus making it difficult for me to breathe, as well as it being relatively uncomfortable just being able to feel it sit there.
This all started about the beginning of October in 2008. After about a week of "eating" lunch and dinner, I realized I kept getting sick and was not able to keep my food down. I called home crying and my parents knew there clearly was a problem. I had an endoscopy done (they stuck a tube down my throat and ballooned it open so I would be able to start eating) and my doctor thought I had something called Schatzki's Ring, a narrowing of the esophagus that causes difficulty swallowing. That helped for a little but, but after a couple of weeks, I kept getting sick. I had another endoscopy done and after that one, the doctor came in and told my dad," I don't think she has Schatzki's Ring after all." He ordered a Barium Swallow test and that clearly defined my disease: achalasia. Achalasia can be fixed in 3 ways, the way that will work for me is surgery because I'm young and "healthy." Once my surgeon comes back from a vacation out of the country on November 9 (rough life) I'll be scheduling surgery and getting everything fixed! The surgery will be done laparoscopically and is a 2-4 day stay in the hospital, a 2-3 week recovery, and a 6 week liquid diet. Hopefully, by the start of the new semester, I'll be good as new!
This is a "day-in-the-life" sort of thing with me, a young adult living with achalasia. People take many things a day for granted: living in a house, being able to drive places, even walking. What people may not understand is that to me, people take eating for granted. That sounds silly and petty almost stupid, but there are sometimes I go without eating for a couple of days in a row just because I literally cannot eat anything, and it comes right back up. There are some days I cry because I'm hungry. There are also some days that I can eat a little bit of food; it just depends...some days are better than others.
This is not in any way, shape, or form a pity party for me. I've been living with this for a little over a year now and it's sad but I'm used to it at this point. Some days are harder than others, and at this point, I'm embarrassed to go out to eat because I have to get up frequently in the middle of the meal. It shouldn't be something to be embarrassed about, but it bothers me, so I try not to eat out often.
All of my family and friends have been very supportive of me living with this. My good friends understand why I have to get up every few minutes or so, and understand when I come back with my eyes red, or little dots around my face. I don't tell everyone I have it, but people know I'm being different. I've lost 51 pounds from this disease, and it honestly couldn't have come at a better time. I was very unhealthy, and losing all of this weight hasn't been done in a very healthy matter, but it's happened regardless, and it's something I can't help.
I'll be updating this frequently, just telling a little bit of this and that about living with the disease. It's hard, it's frustrating, and it's something that is now a part of me. I hope this makes people more aware of what achalasia is, and helps people to understand why I do what I do.
Thanks, and happy reading :)
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)